The Malicious 3?
by Asura93
Summary: What happens when the Akatsuki enlist 3 hyper women to join their cause? Chaos. Absolute chaos. Pairings yet to be decided. 3 OC characters. Summary sucks, but it'll make you laugh!
1. The Beginning

Hello all! So this will be my first *attempt at a* story, and will also be a humorous story. Because this story is purely for entertainment and to make people laugh there may be some OOC for the Akatsuki, but I will try my best not to make it too bad (because I know I personally don't like that).

I do not own Naruto.

Like I said, this is my first attempt at a story, so please go easy on me! Hope you like and enjoy!

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The Beginning

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The repetitive sound of kunai being thrown into trees had been going on for hours.

"Ugh! Why won't the stupid kunai hit the dot already!?" a frustrated kunoichi exasperated.

"Chey, why not just do this?" another kunoichi piped up. She quickly grabbed a kunai and ran to the targeted tree. "There." she smiled happily as she placed the kunai right on the bull's eye.

"Cuz that's cheating, duh!" Chey Vodalaski snapped.

Asura Domotachi raised an eyebrow at her sister. "Isn't that how we passed the Chunin exam?" she inquired.

Chey rolled her eyes. "No. We used it through our excellent intelligence and our awesome ninja skills!..."

"..."

"Yea, we cheated." The two girls giggled. Life had been pretty good for the two S-ranked criminals. Being on the run for the past several years had been going decently. They had not a care in the world...except for one...

Whiz. A kunai landed gracefully at Chey's feet. She immediately jumped 3 feet in the air. "Whoa!"

"Chey, did you see that? A kunai fell from the sky!" a dumbfounded Asura said.

"OMG! Raining kunais!" Chey yelled. The two girls ran in circles in a panic. Thwack. "Ugh" they both chorused as their heads hit each other dead on and dropped to the forest floor.

"Owww, Chey, your head is hard!"

"Owww, Asura, your head...well, it's kinda hollow."

"These are the people Leader wants to see? Heh, pretty pathetic if you ask me, eh Itachi?"

The girls looked up. Two people were staring down at them from the trees intensely wearing black cloaks with red clouds. Their headbands they both wore were crossed out with a straight mark, suggesting they were also S- ranked criminals. The uhh, 'man' who had apparently spoken was a blue fish like creature, over 6 ft tall, and towering over the girls. As the two men jumped down from their perch in the trees, a haunting intimidation swept over the two kunoichi.

He smiled showing his pearly shark teeth. "And rather stupid too."

"Chey? Doesn't he look like your dead fish, Mr. Sniffles?" Asura whispered.

"Yea, but Mr. Sniffles was waaay cuter." Chey whispered back. Chey breathed through her nostrils, wrinkling her nose. "Ugh, and he smelled better even after he was dead too."

The fish face stopped smiling. "What did you say?" He snapped. He advanced a menacing step towards Chey.

Asura growled. "Back off you walking piece of caviar!"

"Or you'll do what to Kisame?" fish face's partner had finally spoken.

He wore the same cloak as Kisame, but was actually human looking. He had two scars running diagonally down his cheeks, and his hair pulled back into a ponytail, his face a hard line even after he spoke.

'Whoa...'

"Or you'll have to deal with me!" Asura lundged at Kisame, arms outstrechted with a kunai in her hand. Itachi stepped forward, swinging his arm down hitting Asura in the stomach hard knocking her out instantly.

"Asura!" Chey yelled. Her eyes conformed into slits as she stared at Itachi. "You jerk!" she battle cried as she lunged as well. Kisame's foot contacted with Chey's head, instantly knocking her out as well.

"Ugh, I was hoping they would walk. I don't want to carry them." Kisame muttered as he swung the two unconscious women over his shoulders. "No matter. They started it. I know Leader wanted them unharmed, but I don't think he knew they would attack us first."

Itachi began walking back into the tree line. "It's no concern of us what Leader wants with them."

Kisame followed behind, shrugging. "You're not the least bit curious as to why _these _two are wanted by Leader?"

No response came from the Uchiha. After all, they were only going to be disposed of by Leader when he was finished with them…right? As the two S-ranked criminals headed back to their hideout they secretly pondered what Leader had in store for them.

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Oh boy, are they in for a surprise! Good luck Akatsuki…you don't know what you're all getting into. Well I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, and I hope you continue to read the story!


	2. A Part of Your Heaven

Hello all! I just want to give credit where it's due, so a HUGE thank you to Rach and Ari for letting me use their characters in this story! This is kind of a dedication to them. They're the best friends a girl could have!

And now onto Chapter 2!

~A Part of Your Heaven~

Asura woke up with a start. Without opening her eyes, she nudged what she hoped was Chey beside her. Getting up and rubbing her eyes she asked, "Hey Chey, can we makes muffins this morning for breakfast?..." Asura opened her eyes. Pitch black surrounded her. She shut her eyes and opened them again. Still pitch black.

"Uh...Chey?..."

"5 more minutes Asura..."

"Is your heaven pitch black?" Asura asked.

Chey sat up and opened her eyes. "Whaaaa-?" Pitch black.

"Weird. I thought heaven was supposed to be white." Asura mused.

Chey sweatdropped. "Asura. We're not dead, dodo."

"How do you know?" Thwack. "Hey!" Chey swiped Asura in the head, an annoyed expression on her unreadable face. 'Idget...'

"So what do we do now?"

"Look for a door?"

"Yea, that sounds good." Using their hands to feel the wall the girls both stood up wandering to find some kind of way out of this pitch blackness.

"Oh no! Asura, I lost the wall!" Chey said panicking.

"How did you lose the wall?"

"I don't know, just help me find it again!"

"Oh no..."

"What?" Chey asked desperately.

"I let go of the wall too!" Asura cried. "Where are you? Maybe if we reach each other, we can get out of here!"

"I'm over here!"

"Where?"

"Over here, and I think I found the door!"

"Where?" OOF. Sunlight streamed through a propped open door as Asura plowed into Chey, landing on her, now into the bright room's doorway. Itachi and Kisame stood in the doorway, looking at the girls in bewilderment. Kisame rolled his eyes. "I told you they weren't smart enough to find their way out."

"You wouldn't know where to go either if you were stuck in a dark room!" Asura interjected.

"Asura...your butt is squishing my ribs..." Chey gasped.

"Oooh, sorry sis." Asura turned red with embarrassment and helped Chey onto her feet.

Chey turned on Kisame. "Why the hell did you lock us in there!? How stupid are you?!"

"Me? I'm the stupid one?" Kisame growled. "Well at least I know how to get out of an unlocked room!"

"DARK. A DARK unlocked room." Chey snapped.

Kisame sweatdropped. "Why I outta..."

"Kisame, we cannot kill them yet." Itachi said indifferently. "Leader wants to talk to them." That seemed to calm down fish face.

"Fine." he muttered.

"Follow us." Itachi said. Asura took a step forward. Chey grabbed her hand quickly.

"Oh no, don't you remember what happened the last time we followed a stranger?"

Asura thought. "No..." Chey gave her a stern look. "Ooooh. Gotcha."

"We're not going." they both said defiantly in unison.

"Like hell you aren't." Kisame growled. He grabbed his sword and took an offensive stance. Itachi closed his eyes in annoyance.

"How dare you wield your sword in the presence of women!" Chey yelled.

"What women? All I see are two numbskulls!" Kisame yelled back.

Tears came to Asura's eyes. "That really hurts, Kisame. That really hurts." Chey put an arm around her sister.

"Look what you did, you asshole!" she accused.

"Me? What did I do?"

A throat being cleared at the end of the hallway stopped the bickering. "No kidding. These are the new ones, yeah?" A blonde haired member of the Akatsuki inquired.

Asura stopped crying. "Finally" she sighed, "another girl to understand us, Chey."

The three Akatsuki members sweatdropped.

"Uh, Asura?"

"Yea?"

"I think he's a guy..." 0.o "Oh..."

'These are the new members?'

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Thanks for reading!


	3. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb

Luckily, I have had time this weekend to write! Yay! So here is chapter 3!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb

"Umm, is the edible?" Asura asked innocently as she poked the "food" in front of her.

"Its food. Shut up and eat it." Kisame replied simply. Chey looked at it in disgust.

"Even Asura cooks better than this." Kisame's eyes narrowed.

"I do? Chey-chan's never said that about my cooking!" Asura exclaimed.

"Well, at least you make sure the food is completely dead before you serve it." Chey muttered as she poked the eyeball looking specimen on her plate with her set of chopsticks. "I'd rather starve."

Kisame smiled. "Fine by me. I was kinda hoping it would kill you anyway." Whack. "OW!" Kisame rubbed the red indent on his head, the evil chopstick that gave him the red mark now lying on the table. He looked at Chey. "What the hell was that for?" he growled.

"Oh, so because you got hurt, you automatically blame me?" Chey asked coldly, her hands now crossed on her chest, her eyes bearing into Kisame's soul.

'Daaaamn, she's intimidating. Almost as bad as Itachi.' "You seriously think Tweedle Dumb did it?" Kisame shot back.

"Tweedle Dumb?" both girls asked in unison.

"Yes, and you" Kisame pointed at Chey, "are Tweedle Dee."

"Wow" Asura whispered to Chey, "who'd a thought that fish face actually had creativity?" Both girls giggled. Kisame reached for his kunai holster.

"Why you…" Whiz. A kunai landed on the table close to Kisame.

"Kisame, we do not kill them, yet." Itachi said pointedly from the corner where he had been standing watching this ordeal work out. "Leader wants to talk to them."

Chey and Asura turned. "Leader?"

"He's the only reason you're here, yeah." A voice answered from the kitchen doorway. The "girl" they had learned was in fact, a man, named Deidara. 'But Itachi is being awfully protective of them...'

Deidara's partner appeared in the doorway behind him. "These are the two causing me such a headache? How annoying." He was slim with red hair, and slightly taller than Deidara.

"We get that a lot." Asura smiled. "Giving people headaches. It's one of our best defensive strategies." The three Akatsuki members sweatdropped.

Thwack. A hand swatted Asura on the head. "Owww."

"Way to tell them our defense, idget." Chey said in annoyance. She looked back at her food. "Can we make our own food now? All the drama fish face has caused is making me hungry."

"After you meet with Leader." Itachi budged in. "But now it is time for you to meet with him." He glanced at Asura. "He wishes to meet with you separately."

The girls teardropped. "No! We both go together! We will NOT be separated!" An annoyed Itachi grabbed Asura's wrists tightly and dragged her out of the kitchen.

"Chey!"

"That was quick, yeah." Deidara commented. The other two Akatuski members nodded their heads. Chey sighed.

'I know she'll be alright...or at least I hope so. I have to find an escape plan!'

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-With Asura-

"Get up."

"No."

"Get up."

"Bite me."

"Get up."

"If you don't put me back with Chey, I'm going to hold my breath until I pass out!" Asura puffed out her cheeks, crossing her legs on the hallway floor she was currently sitting on.

"Fine, I'll wait until you pass out, and then drag you to Leader myself."

.

Asura's cheeks turned blue. Itachi waited patiently. Tears welled up in Asura's eyes before...

"WHEW!" she gasped in air, now filling her lungs with the precious substance keeping her alive.

"Get up." Itachi continued. Asura shook her head in defiance. Itachi grabbed her wrists, pulling her upright and down the hallway.

"Okay, okay, okay! Let go! You're hurting me!" Asura whined. Itachi let go.

"Will you come now?"

Asura nodded. "Follow me."

Asura stuck her tongue out behind his back.

"I saw that."

'Damn.' she thought and continued following Itachi down the darkened hallway leading to a down a flight of steps to a mysterious door. She took a step back. Itachi knocked on the door silently.

"Come in." a voice answered. Asura gulped as Itachi opened the door.

"Nu huh, I don't go into creepy doors with only a voice inside them!"

With an "Eip!" from Asura, Itachi pulled her into Leader's mysterious office.

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"...And then when I was 8 years old Asura and I met in an orphanage. Those were great times. Granny didn't think so but we had so much fun...and then when we were 10 we got so hyped up on pixie sticks...and when we were 11..."

"QUIET. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE."

Chey smiled. "Well if you would let me go outside by myself you wouldn't have a problem."

Kisame had been listening to Chey l rant about random stories in her life for the past hour. After about 10 minutes into her spiel Deidara and Sasori had left leaving Kisame all alone to watch her by himself. He desperately needed some aspirin.

Kisame groaned. "You're giving me a flipping headache..." And then with an exasperated sigh, 'Where the hell is Itachi? He should be back with the other kunoichi by now...'

Chey ignored him. "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round…" Thwack. Kisame's fist connected with Chey's head.

"What the hell was that for?" Chey demanded.

"That's for the flipping headache." Kisame grumbled.

"Why you..." Chey sweatdropped. "I...I...I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Why didn't you go before?" Kisame yelled.

"Like I know where the bathroom is!" Chey countered.

Kisame groaned while circling his forehead lightly. "Ugh, come with me...if you pee on that chair I'm gonna be pissed."

Chey batted her eyelashes. 'Oops.'

Kisame led her out of the kitchen into the long dark hallway to the last door on the left. "Make it snappy. Leader will want to see you soon."

"Meh, meh, meh, isn't someone impatient?" Chey mocked.

"Kunoichi..." Slam. The door was closed in front of Kisame in a flash.

'Now for my escape...' Chey thought cleverly. She opened the bathroom window fully and hopped onto the window sill. She glanced down to assess her situation. 'Only one floor,' she thought, 'shouldn't be that bad...' and she jumped, landing on her feet gracefully.

"YES! Sweet freedom!" Chey took a victory step towards the surrounding woods when...Itachi stood in front of her.

"You were trying to escape, weren't you?"

"Haha? "Chey laughed nervously, "No, actually I was trying to test gravity. Guess what? It still works." Itachi closed his eyes in annoyance.

"Come with me."

"Like hell!" Chey protested.

"Come with me or your friend will have dire consequences." Itach threatened and stepped back into the base.

'Damn, he got me there.'

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"I do not know why they are silent. Usually we cannot get these girls to shut up." Itachi apologized to uhhh "Leader", or the man behind the curtain.

"We DO have names you now! Not just girls!" Asura snapped.

After Itachi brought Chey in to meet with Leader, Asura still hadn't talked for all that time and no amount of bribing was helping either. A new record for Asura.

Leader sighed. "You know, if you don't talk, I'll have to kill you."

The girls looked at each other. "You got us then."

"What do you want to know?" Chey asked suspiciously.

"Anything I already don't know. I've been watching you two for the past few years. Very impressive from what I've seen." Leader mused.

"What all has he seen?" Asura whispered.

"I have no idea, but I hope not..." The girls shivered. Why was Leader being such a creeper?

"You two are from the Hidden Leaf Village, and have lived there all your lives. You both met in an orphanage where you were raised for different scenarios and became best friends, adopting yourselves as "sisters." You both completed the Chunin exam and passed it with extreme skill, and were working on your Junin exam when you became criminals. Am I correct?"

"Damn, he's good." Chey whispered back to Asura. Asura only nodded. "Uh huh."

"Leader knows everything." Itachi muttered.

"Oh yeah? What song did Chey sing me for my birthday?" Asura asked the man behind the curtain.

"Happy Birthday." he answered.

'Damn. He is good.'

"I'm surprised you haven't shown us your true form." Leader continued. He looked at Chey. "Will you do us the honors?"

Chey sighed. "Finally, I was getting to feel uncomfortable." Chey made a hand sign and held it over her head. "Cat demon..."

Two stubs grew out of Chey's head, cat ears. A tail grew from her behind, and a moon symbol appeared on her forehead.

"Wow, you went a whole 24 hours in human form." Asura said surprised.

"I know. It sucked." Chey whined.

'Cat demon?' Itachi inquired raising an eyebrow. He looked through the curtain catching Leaders gaze. 'Shouldn't we..?'

"She's different. Not Jinchuriki." Leader mused answering Itachi's thought. 'But how interesting...'

"Now I would like to offer you two ladies the chance of a lifetime." Itachi raised his eyebrow again. 'Oh no, Leader...'

"Would you like to become members of the Akatsuki?"

Chey and Asura looked suspiciously over at the curtain. "What's in it for us?"

"Well for one, you'll get to live." Leader answered. "However, I find that you two will be a nice asset to our goal."

Chey looked at Asura. Asura looked at Chey. "Well...YOU BET!" both girls squealed.

"In that case, Asura Domotachi, Chey Vodalaski, welcome to the Akatsuki."

"YAY!"

Itachi looked at Leader in bewilderment. 'These are the new members he has chosen? Perhaps the next spot will be filled with someone less annoying…'

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Dun dun dun…another member? Whoever could it be? Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm not sure when the next one will be out because this coming week is crazy busy for me, but we'll see. Until then!


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